Chii Chinosarudza Godo Rekudzivirira Maitiro mune Varume

“Ndainzwa kusagadzikana. Unogona kusandida futi. Ndanga ndichidedera mukati, ”ndiwo mamwe mazwi kuna" Jealous Guy "naJohn Lennon.

Rwiyo rwacho rwunonyatsoburitsa pfungwa yemurume achitya kuti mumwe wake anenge ave kuda kumuramba. Muchokwadi, manzwiro egodo akadaro anogona kukurudzira varume kuita hunhu hwegodo kuti vaone kuti vakadzi vavanodanana navo vakatendeka pabonde. Godo rinogona kuzviratidza se hunhu hwekuchengetedza hunhu iyo inogona kuratidzwa munzira mbiri.

Kutanga, pane - mutengo-unoitisa maitiro ekuchengetedza mukwanyina, sekuderedza kufamba kweumwe wako, kutora nguva yavo yese, kana kutaura zvinonyadzisa nezveumwe wavo mune vamwe vanhu. Mari-inopinza hunhu inogona kuve nemhedzisiro yekuderedza manzwiro emumwe wako ekuzvikoshesa uye pakupedzisira kuita kuti vanzwe vasingakwanise kuwana imwe hukama hukama. Neimwe nzira, inogona kuve nemhedzisiro yekuvaita kuti vatange kufunga nezve mabhenefiti ehukama ehumwe hukama, uye nenzira iyi, ingave iri nzira ine njodzi kumurume.

Neimwe nzira, kubatsirikana-kupa hunhu hwekuchengeta mukwanyina - semuenzaniso, kutenga zvipo zvevamwe kana kuvapa rumbidzo - zvinogona kuita kuti mumwe wavo anzwe kugutsikana nehukama hwavo hwazvino, pamwe zvichideredza mikana yekusavimbika kana mumwe wavo achisiya hukama zvachose. Saka nekudaro, kubatsirwa kupa hunhu inzira isina njodzi kune murume.

Kukosha kweMate

Zviripachena, hunhu hwekuchengetedza hunhu hwemurume hunogona kukurudzirwa mumamiriro ezvinhu apo mukana wekusatendeka unowedzerwa, senge kana mumwe wavo ari pakati pevamwe varume. Nekudaro, hunhu hwekuchengetwa kwevanhurume vanogona zvakare kukurudzirwa kana varume vakabatana nevakadzi vane hukuru mukadzi mukadzi anokoshesa , semuenzaniso kuve mudiki uye unokwezva mumuviri, zvinova zvinoratidza hunhu hwemajini uye kugona kubereka, kwakakosheswa nevarume.

Nekudaro, haisi chete kukosha kwevakadzi mukadzi izvo zvinogona kufanotaura hunhu hwekuchengetedza murume. Hunhu hwakadai hunogona zvakare kusarudzwa nemurume murume kukosha zvakare. Semuenzaniso, murume ane yakaderera mukadzi kukosha (nemari shoma uye zviwanikwa) anogona kunge asingakwanise kushandisa mabhenefiti ekupa mazano ekuchengetedza mukwanyina, sekutenga zvipo uye nekudaro anozoshandisa nzira dzekudhura kuitira kudzivirira mumwe wake kuti asarasika.

Iyo mwero iyo iri yechikadzi kana yemurume mukwikwidzi kukosha iyo inosarudzira maitiro emurume ekuchengetedza maitiro akaongororwa naEmily Miner, Valerie Starratt naTodd Shackleford (Miner, Starratt, & Shackleford, 2009). Vatsvagiridzi vakashandisa vatori vechikamu vechikadzi vakapedza iyo Trait-Specific Dependence Inventory (TSDI), iyo inoongorora kukosha kwevakaroorana maererano nekureruka uko vanhu vanofunga kuti vanogona kuwana mumwe wekuroorana naye akaenzana kana nani pane waari kudanana naye pazvinhu zvakaita sekukwezva kwemuviri. , rupo uye chinzvimbo.

Vatori vechikamu vakabvunzwa kuti vaenzanise humwe hunhu hwemudiwa wavo wazvino nedzimwe nzira. Semuenzaniso, "Kana iwe newawakaroorana naye muchirambana, zvingava zvakaoma sei kuti iwe uwane mumwe wako waakaita se (anoratidzika panyama / ane rupo / anodisa)?" Vakasanganisirawo imwe vhezheni yeTDSI kuongorora kuongororwa kwevakadzi nevatori vechikamu nezvekukosha kwewavakaroorana naye: sewe? "

Vatori vechikamu vakabva vapedzisa Mate Kuchengetwa Kwezvivakwa iyo yakaongorora kuti vangani vakadzi vatori vechikamu vakataura kuti vamwe vavo vakaita nzira dzekukonzera mutengo:

• Kuchengetedza zvakananga ("hakuna kundiendesa kumafaro kwaizovapo vamwe varume")
• Kuita zvepabonde kune vakadzi ("kunongedzera kukanganisa kwevamwe varume")
• Intrasexual negative inducements ("akaudza vamwe varume kuti ini handisi munhu akanaka")

Uye mazano ekupa rubatsiro:

• Zvakanaka kukurudzira ("akanditengera chipo chinodhura")
• Zviratidzo zveveruzhinji zvekuva ("isa ruoko rwake kwakandikomberedza pamberi pevamwe")

Chii Chinosarudza Mate Kuchengetwa Sarudzo?

Chekutanga, vaongorori vakaona kuti kutonga kwevanhukadzi kwavo newavakaroorana naye kunokosha kuve nehukama, nemamwe mazwi, vakadzi vanozviona kunge vehukama hwehukama vakatonga vavakaroorana navo kuva vehukama hwehukama zvakare.

Panyaya yekuti yaive yemurume kana yemukadzi mukadzi kukosha kwakatarisira hunhu hwekuchengetwa kweumwe, vakaona kuti mukadzi wepamusoro mukadzi anokoshesa kuve nekubatana nekushandiswa kukuru kwevanhurume kubatsirikana-kunopa mukadzi kuchengetedza maitiro. Nekudaro, yakaderera mukadzi mukadzi kukosha kwanga kusinga sanganisirwe nemurume kushandiswa kweyemutengo-inokonzeresa emurume kuchengetedza nzira. Icho chete chinosarudzika kuve kusangana pakati peakaderera mukadzi mukadzi kukosha uye murume akananga kuchengetedza maitiro. Naizvozvo, mukadzi mukadzi anokosha anongotsanangudza hafu yenyaya yacho.

Panyaya yekukosha kwemurume mukwikwidzi, ivo vaongorori vakaona kuti murume wepamusoro murume anokoshesa kuve nehukama chaihwo nehunhu-hunopa hunhu hwekuchengetedza hunhu uye hwakaderera murume murume hunhu hunobatanidzwa neinodhura-inokanganisa maitiro ekuchengetedza mukwanyina. Kunyanya kunyanya yakaderera murume murume kukosha kwaive kwakabatana nekushandisa kwevanhurume kwakanangana nekuchengetedza uye intrasexual zvakaipa zvinokurudzira (kunongedzera kukanganisa kwevamwe varume). Naizvozvo, zvinoita sekunge murume murume anokoshesa kupfuura mukadzi mukadzi kukosha ndicho chinhu chinogadza murume akachengeta maitiro.

Chokwadi, apo vaongorori vakafananidza kukosha kwevanhurume kana vanhukadzi, mukumisikidza maitiro ekuchengetwa kwevakaroora, vakaona kuti iri kukosha kwevanhurume kupfuura yevakadzi mukadzi iyo inosimbisa zvine simba zvese kupa-kubatsira uye kudhura-kuita maitiro ekuchengeta mukwanyina. Zvikurukuru, kukosha kwevarume asi kwete kwevakadzi mukadzi kunofungidzira kushandiswa kwekuchengeta kwakananga uye nemasaini eruzhinji evaridzi. Chega chakasarudzika ndechekuti yaive yevakadzi asi kwete yemurume murume kukosha iyo yaifungidzira kushandiswa kwevanhurume kwezvakanaka zvinokurudzirwa. Vatsvakurudzi vanotsanangura izvi nekutaura kuti zvakanaka zvinokonzereswa zvakabatana chaizvo nekutenda kwemurume kwekukwezva kwemumwe wake, chinova chimwe chehunhu hukuru hwekukosha kwemukadzi mukadzi.

Pakazara ipapo, murume wemurume anokoshesa kupfuura mukadzi mukadzi kukosha kunoita sekutarisa mhando yekuchengetwa kweumwe mukadzi, nehurume hwepamusoro mukwikwidzi hunokoshesa kuita humwe hunhu hwekupa-hunhu uye vanhurume vevakaderera murume vanokoshesa kuita yakawanda inodhura-inokanganisa kuroora kwevakaroora maitiro.

Izvo zvakakosha kuti uzive kuti muchidzidzo ichi vaongorori vakangoshandisa chete marekodhi echikadzi ezvekukoshesa kwevakaroorana ivo vese nevavanodanana navo. Zvakangodaro, kutsvaga kwacho kunoenderana nekutsvagurudza kwakapfuura nezve mhirizhonga yevamwe vakawana kuti varume vepazasi mamiriro ezvehupfumi kana mumabasa epasi uye nekudaro vevakaderera vanokoshesa kuita mhirizhonga mudzimba kupfuura varume vane chinzvimbo chepamusoro chehupfumi kana avo vane chinzvimbo chepamusoro mabasa. . Kutsvaga kwacho kunogona kuve kwakabatana nechimwezve chinhu senge manzwiro evarume ekuzviremekedza, asi chero nzira, zvine chekuita.

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