Unofanirwa Kutarisira Zvakawanda Kubva Kuhukama Hwako, kana Zvishoma?

Isu tese tine tarisiro yehukama hwedu hwepabonde. Asi isu tinofanira kudaro kusimudza kana kudzikisa izvo zvinotarisirwa? Zviri nani kuseta zviyero zvedu zvakakwirira, saka tinobva takurudzirwa kuti tishande mukugadzira hukama hwakanakisa? Kana kuti zviri nani here kuchengeta zvatinotarisira zvichiongororwa, kuti tirege kuodzwa moyo kana hukama hwukazove husina kukwana?

Imwe nzira inobatsira yekufunga nezvemubvunzo uyu yakakurudzirwa naEli Finkel nevamwe vake: "Muenzaniso weSuffocation." ¹ Vanoti muchato wemazuvano wave kunyanya kudzvinyirira nekuti tinotarisira kuti uzadzise zvido zvepamusoro uye zvepamusoro uye isu tinotanga "kudzipwa" tichitsvaga izvi "zvepamusoro-soro" zvido. Munguva yakapfuura, roorano yaive yakavakirwa pane zvinoshanda sekufunga sekurera mhuri, uye kusangana nezvatinoda kudiwa. Asi mumakumi emakore achangopfuura, vanhu vatanga kutarisira zvakawanda kubva muwanano - kunyanya, vazhinji vedu tave kutarisira kuti hukama hwedu hunozadzikisa veduwe. kuremekedza zvido (kuzviremekedza uye kutaura-kwako) uye zvedu kuzvisarudzira-zvido , sekupa mikana yekukura kwedu uye nekutibatsira isu kugona kwedu.

Sekureva kwaJames McNulty, modhi yekudzimbirira inogona kushandiswa kunzwisisa zvimiro zvehukama nekuti inosimbisa kukosha kwete kwete kwedu chete tarisiro, asi kuti zvinokwana sei mumamiriro akakura ehukama. ² Vamwe vakaroorana, kunyangwe kana vachikurudzirwa zvakanyanya kugadzirisa hukama hwavo, vanogona kunge vasingakwanise kudaro. Kunze kwekushushikana, nyaya dzehunhu, uye hunyanzvi hwekudyidzana hungaite kuti zviome kuti hukama hubudirire. Saka tarisiro dzakakwirira dzinogona kukurudzira vanhu kuti vashande nesimba pahukama hwavo - asi kana kurudziro yacho ikashandura kuita kugadzirisa chaiko kunoenderana nekwaniso yevaviri yekuita shanduko idzi kuitika. Uye sekutarisira kunoita vanhu zvakanyanya kubva muhukama hwavo, vashoma vakaroorana vanogona kuve nehunyanzvi hunodiwa.

Kuedza iyi fungidziro, McNulty akadzidza 135 vanhu vachangoroorana, vanga vakaroora kwemwedzi mitanhatu kana pasi. ² Vakaroorana vakapfurwa vachiri kuita hurukuro mbiri nezvenzvimbo yedambudziko muwanano yavo, uye vakapedza matanho maviri ehukama hwehukama. Uye zvakare, mumwe nemumwe akapedza matanho ehukama matambudziko uye hwewanano mhando yega yega mitanhatu-kusvika-sere mwedzi kweanenge makore mana.

Hukama hwehukama hwevakaroorana hwakayerwa nenzira mbiri: Chekutanga, vakaverenga kukosha kwazvo kwavari kuti hukama hwavo hunosangana nehunhu hunogona kutariswa se "kukwirira kwakakwirira" - hunhu chaihwo hwakaongororwa hwaisanganisira kutendeseka, kuzvipira, kuchengeta, kutsigira, kuremekedza, mufaro, kupokana, kunakidzwa, kuzvimirira, uye kuda.Vakatarawo kukosha kwakange kwakaita nzvimbo dzehukama dzakasiyana gumi neshanu kwavari, kusanganisira kutaurirana, kubata mari, bonde, uye kuzvimirira.

Chinangwa chakakosha chekutsvagisa ndechekuona kana kugona kwevakaroorana kugadzirisa hukama hwavo kwaizotarisa kana tarisiro dzakakwirira yaive muponesi wehukama kana kuparara kwayo. Hukama hwehukama uhwu hwakayerwa nenzira mbiri: Imwe yaisanganisira kukodha zvakanyorwa murabhoritari hurukuro dzekupokana. Coders akatarisa vakaroorana zviratidzo zvekusajeka zvisina kunaka maitiro, mhando yemakakatanwa maitiro akaratidzirwa zvakanyanya kuve ane dambudziko. Maitiro aya anosanganisira kupomera zvisina kunanga kana mirairo inosanganisira kutora fungidziro nezve mamiriro epfungwa yemumwe wako (semuenzaniso, "Ndinoziva manzwiro aunoita pamusoro peizvi"); mibvunzo ine hukasha (semuenzaniso, "Ndakakuudza chii nezve izvi?"); kunzvenga basa (semuenzaniso, "Ini handigoni kuzvibatsira, ndizvo zvandiri); uye kutsvinya.

Unyanzvi hwakaongororwa zvakare nekucherechedza kuti matambudziko evaviri anga akanyanya sei pakutanga kwemuchato wavo. Vakaroorana vakabvunzwa kuyera kusvika pamatanho gumi nematanhatu ematanho angangoita dambudziko muhukama hwavo (semuenzaniso, mari, vatezvara, bonde, zvinodhaka / doro). Kunyangwe hazvo hukama hwehukama hungave hunokonzerwa nematanho epamusoro, zvakatorwa kuva chiratidzo chekuti vaviri vacho vaikwanisa sei dhiri nematambudziko pakutanga kwemuchato wavo, uye nekudaro sechiratidzo chehukama hwehukama.

Ko tarisiro dzakakwirira dzakanaka kune vamwe vakaroorana uye kwete vamwe?

Mhedzisiro yacho yakaratidza kuti kune vakaroorana vaive nehurombo hwehukama hushamwari- avo vaiita zvisina hunhu maitiro panguva dzehurukuro dzekukonana, kana vane matambudziko akakura kutanga - tarisiro huru yaibatanidzwa ne murombo hunhu hwemuchato. Kune ava vakaroorana, tarisiro dzakakwirira dzaive dzakaoma kuzadzikisa, uye vangangodaro vakaguma vaora mwoyo uye vakashungurudzika.

Vakaroorana vane hunyanzvi hwehukama hunyanzvi vakaratidza iyo yakapesana maitiro: Yakakwirira tarisiro yaibatanidzwa ne zvirinani hunhu hwemuchato. Saka kune vakaroorana avo have kugona kuvandudza hukama hwavo, tarisiro dzakakwirira dzinogona kuve chinokurudzira kushandisa hunyanzvi hwavo uye nekunyatso kugadzirisa hunhu hwehukama hwavo.

Izvi zvinorevei kune vakaroorana vanoda kufara?

Inopa nzira mbiri dzinogona kuitika: Vaviri vanogona kushanda pahunyanzvi hwavo, kuitira kuti vave pabasa rekuzadzisa zvavanotarisira-uye kazhinji iyi ndiyo nzira inokurudzirwa nenyanzvi dzezvehukama uye varapi vevakaroora.

Asi kutsva kutsva uku kunoratidza kuti vakaroorana vangangodawo kufunga nezvazvo vachideredza zviyero zvavo . Izvo zvinogona kunzwika seku "kurega" pahukama. Asi hazvifanirwe kureva izvozvo.

Fungidzira rairo imwecheteyo yakashandiswa pakuve nekugutsikana nemuviri wako: Unogona kutanga kunyatsoteedzera kurudziro yekudya yekudzora uremu uye kugadzirisa zviitwa zvinowanzo tarisa nzvimbo dzako dzedambudziko. Kuvandudza hunyanzvi uhu kunounza muviri wako zvakanyanya mukuenderana nematanho ako, uye pamwe zvinowedzera kugutsikana kwemuviri wako. Asi iwe unogona zvakare kudzikisa zviyero zvako wobva wati, "Hazvina kukosha kwandiri kuti ndine matanhatu-pack abs." Uye iko kuchinja kwemaonero kwaizoitawo pakupedzisira kuti ugutsikane nemuviri wako.

Izvi hazvireve kuti haufanirwe kutarisira chero chinhu kubva pahukama hwako; pane kudaro, iwe ungangoda kufunga nezvekuchinjisa zviyero zvako kuti iwe usatarisira mumwe wako kuzadzikisa zvese zvaunoda uye nekukugutsa zvakakwana.

Saka zvibvunze kuti: Uri "kudzipwa" here iwe uchiyedza kuzadzisa tarisiro yepamusoro-soro muhukama hwako?

Gwendolyn Seidman, Ph.D. ndiye anoshamwaridzana purofesa wepfungwa kuAlbright College uyo anodzidza nezvehukama uye cyberpsychology. Mutevere pa Twitter nekuda kwekuvandudzwa nezve zvemagariro psychology, hukama, uye maitiro epamhepo, uye verenga zvimwe zvezvinyorwa zvake paVakasangana Vapedyo.

Zvinyorwa

^{1 Finkel, E. J., Hui, C. M., Carswell, K. L., & Larson, G. M. (2014). Kukanganiswa kwemuchato: Kukwira Gomo reMaslow risina oxygen yakakwana. Zvepfungwa Kubvunza, 25, 1-41.}

^{2 McNulty, J. K. (2016). Vakaroorana vanofanirwa kunge vachirayira zvishoma kubva muwanano? Maonero echimiro pane zvinorehwa nematanho ehunhu. Hunhu uye Zvemagariro Psychology Bulletin, 42, 444-457.}